Waiting

Waiting can be the hardest thing in the world to do, especially for a child with ADHD. Waiting in line at the grocery store is boring for an adult and for kids but waiting in boring lines for a kid with ADHD is an experience all on its own. There is so much to see, smell and touch that something as simple as waiting in line can become a sensory overload. Immediately after getting in line my daughter starts to wander away from me, looking at the impulse items next to the register, listening to everyone else have their conversations and grabbing things off the shelf pleading desperately for me to buy whatever it is that caught her eye because in her words “I need to have this and I will die if I don’t get it”. More often than not I say no, not because I don’t want her to have the item or because I don’t think she deserves it but because I rarely bring more money than what I need. The looks and comments we get from other shoppers ranges from “oh your daughter is so cute” to looks of judgment and comments about how children should be controlled instead of being able to run wild in stores. Now I am at a point in my life that I don’t let what others think of me bother me but my daughter is not and there is nothing more heartbreaking than watching the joy slowly fade from my little girls face when she hears what others say about us. It’s when my daughter slowly works her way over to the bench near the register and sits quietly making a real effort to not disturb the “grumpy people” that I give in and buy her a treat. There have been many shopping trips when my daughter complains on the way home that people said mean things about her or me, and there have been many times when she cries that she didn’t mean to upset the people in the store. She doesn’t understand why her looking at everything or touching the items near the register bothers other people because to her it shouldn’t. Waiting at a doctor’s appointment or at the dentist is hard too. There isn’t much there to do so her mind wanders and of course she starts touching things, wandering around the waiting room and asking questions while watching the receptionist work. As most adults know even when you have an appointment there is still a wait time and others that come in after you sometimes get in before you because they are seeing a different doctor or dentist. My daughter doesn’t understand that and after a little while of waiting or seeing other people go in right away when we have been waiting it bothers her and she has no fear when it comes to voicing her opinion about it. I try to explain to her that other people see other doctors or dentists and that’s why they sometimes get to go first even if we were there before them but she disagrees. She thinks that it’s not fair that she has been waiting “forever” but other people go in first and she will let everyone in the waiting room know. She has even gone right to the receptionist to complain about her having to wait when she was there first but other people go in before her. Thankfully, at the dentist at least, the girls know her and know she has ADHD so they explain that other dentists have been waiting for the other people, they tell her the other people were late and because the person seeing her dentist came in late now we have to wait. My daughter seems to be satisfied with the answers and usually makes some remark about how people need to buy watches so they can get there on time, then she goes back to flipping through magazines or watching the girls work. Some days though my daughter is annoyed by having to wait and when the people ahead of us come out of the dentists room she tells them they need to buy a watch or not be late and make other people wait. Now most people either ignore her or laugh off what she has said but there is always that one person who gets offended that either mutters something about ignorant kids under their breath or right out tells my daughter to mind her own damn business while shooting me a dirty look before complaining to the receptionist about how parents should keep their kids quiet. I try my best to get to the doctors or dentists exactly when our appointment is for in an attempt to reduce the amount of time we have to spend waiting but as you all know there is no way of controlling how busy those offices can be. Now I have a new tactic, I have started to bring a bag of entertainment and snacks for my daughter and so far it has helped reduce the boredom but it hasn’t eliminated it. The hardest part still is waiting in line while shopping and my only option is to try to shop without my daughter but that is not always possible and really not as much fun for me. As frustrating as shopping with an ADHD child is, I find that I really do enjoy taking my daughter with me because there is complete innocence in her questions and nothing beats watching her take the grocery list from me, skipping down the isles trying to find the next thing we need to buy. A message to the people who judge: The next time you see a kid wandering away from their parents, touching everything in sight and asking a million questions, stop what you’re doing and think about how free and innocent that child is before you give the parents dirty looks or make rude remarks about kids needing to be controlled because you never know if that child is being as calm as possible, or how hard it is for that child to be in such a stimulating environment. Your dirty looks and rude remarks hurt the children a lot more than the adults and you honestly don’t know the harm you can do to a child just by simply making remarks about them.